I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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