so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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