can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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