my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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