Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
