Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
