the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
