no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
