fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
