I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
