The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
