Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
