You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
