At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize