He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
