you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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