I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
