dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize