Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
