literally had 100 drinks last night.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
