she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
