did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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