I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
