Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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