It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
