I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize