So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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