im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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