We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
