I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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