organizing the empties. That sober.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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