i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
A+ Viking dick
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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