I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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