so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
