I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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