4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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