if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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