The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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