Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
