I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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