i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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