I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
