then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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