I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
