I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
