On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
