sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
