Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
