No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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