I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
