Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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