My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
