I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
