Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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