Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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