she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
