I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
