sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
